Twilight Takes Over My World
by vonniebeth
Summary: It's a normal day for the author... until Twilight comes to screw it up. VERY Anti Twilight, so don't read if you're a Twilight fan.


**boredom on a Friday night plus anger at my parents equals an Anti Twilight story starring me (as F), my friend (as F's friend), Double Agent Danamite (haha, why is she in the story?) and the Twilight characters (and Bob) **

Once upon a time in a city far, far away from the author's hometown, there lived a group of teenagers. Their names were Bella, Edward, Jacob, Alice and Bob. Bella was smart and the heart-throb of Edward and Jacob, whom she despised. Edward thought he was the sexy one, but he's really the dumb one. Jacob is really the sexy one (just ask Alice). Alice was the psychic and the artist, although Edward says she is no Picasso (they don't get along, okay?). Bob is Bob.

One day, the author (let's call her F, which is her average grade level) was writing a fanfic about Henry and Natalie (cuz she just loves Next to Normal) when the group of teenagers I just told you about crashed through her bedroom window. "What the FUCK?" F shouted.

"Hello," Bella said. "I am Bella Swan."

"You don't look like a swan." F laughed like the Annoying Orange. "Seriously, what are you doing in my room?"

"We hear you don't like Twilight," Jacob said, taking his shirt off. "Perhaps my abs will make you love it."

"Or hate it. Ew! I hate guys who rip their shirts off. That means you and YOU!" F pointed to Edward.

Edward giggled. "She's pointing at me," he said.

"Yeah. I am. Now get out."

"I don't think so," Bella said. "Not until you like Twilight."

"No thank you. I'm not the only one who hates Twilight. My friend does too."

"Then we shall get your friend!"

"No! Please don't hurt her!"

"We'll be back."

So F waited impatiently for the Twilight characters (and Bob) to return. When they finally did, F noticed that Alice had her friend handcuffed. The friend was not at all pleased. "What the hell is going on here, Si-" the friend began.

"Friend, shall we not?" F said. "I'm not in the mood to exploit my name today."

"Wow. Bossy…"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Hey!" Bob said. "Don't fight. Relax. Breathe."

"Shut up, Bob!" Edward said, pushing Bob out of the way. "Now, asking you to like Twilight obviously doesn't work, so we'll have to hypnotize."

"Hypno-what?" F asked.

Edward glared at F like she just asked when the War of 1812 was. "Seriously? You don't know the word hypnotize?"

"Look at my GPA then we'll talk words."

"What is it? A 0.0?"

F's eyes filled with tears. "I'm not THAT dumb!" F began to cry into her imaginary Henry-shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm an emotional freak."

"You're not a freak," Alice said. "You're a world-class dumbass."

"Wh-what?"

"Alice, that's mean," Jacob said. "She may be dumb, but I like dumb girls."

"Thanks a lot," Bella scoffed.

"You're welcome. Now, crying girl and angry girl, can I kiss you?"

F began to cry harder (crying a Twilight character would kill her) and her friend punched Jacob with her handcuffed hands. "Absolutely not," she stated. Then she used her longest nail and picked the lock of her handcuffs. "Bye."

"Don't leave me!" F pleaded.

"I found another Twilight-hater," Bob shouted as he ran back in.

"When did you leave?" Bella asked.

"When I felt like it. So anywho…"

"He left 15 minutes ago," Alice said.

"You may be a psychic, but knowing when I left is psycho. So, anywho, this is Double Agent Danamite. She doesn't like Twilight."

"Yay!" F's friend shouted. "Don't worry 'she who I won't name'. As long as Double Agent Danamite is here, we shall be fine. She IS a double agent after all."

"I don't even know why I'm here!" Double Agent Danamite complained. "Why does the author INSIST on using me as a character?"

"FIRE!" Bob yelled as he and the Twilight characters aimed their guns at F, her friend and Double Agent Danamite.

"WHERE?" Edward screeched, shielding himself.

"No, stupid. I meant fire your guns."

"Why?"

"Never mind. Go sit on the bed."

"Why? What if she wets the bed at night?"

"I do not!" F yelled, looking both offended and annoyed. "Stop being mean to me. You know, it's a turn off to make me cry. It's a bad thing to…" The sentence was interrupted by the Twilight characters (and Bob) shooting.

You may have thought this was the end for F, her friend and Double Agent Danamite. Actually, it was the end of Edward. Ashamed, they all walked out, realizing what they have done.

"Huzzah!" F's friend shouted. "Edward is dead!"

"Yippee!" F and Double Agent Danamite shouted.

So the 3 of them partied and the Twilight characters (and Bob) held an eternal funeral for the mistake of killing Edward.

The end.


End file.
